The State of Union Speech: If Given Honestly

by George Weir –

Welcome ladies and gentlemen , I’m sure you have all gathered together today to hear me give my fifth “State of the Union” speech believing that I would be laying all the good things that I have accomplished on the table, and you probably thought that I would be telling you that the nation is in good shape, but folks, I’m going to be honest,..yep, I believe in honesty in all things, and telling the truth even when it hurts, yep, that’s who I am, Mr. Honesty.

Now that I’ve gotten past that, I would like to thank the congress for coming out tonight, I realize that most would rather be watching Perry Mason or Ben Matlock in order to sharpen up on the law, also I would like to thank those in the military, realizing that you would rather prefer watching Jag, and I don’t blame you for that but you need to keep in mind I am the commander in chief of the armed forces, not that I know anything about it, I just try to wing it.  And my thanks goes out to all my subjects that are watching especially the LGBT community, I’m working hard for you and I’m sure that you will make sure my party stays in office.  I would also like to thank the media, when I need lies and cover – ups you were there for me, I really appreciate it.  Also while I’m at it, I would like to thank all those that never pay any attention to politics, and have little interest in the truth for voting me into this office, I realize that I had no qualifying experience and still don’t, but thanks anyway.

Now having said that, lets look at my five years in office, and the state of the union, frankly I had rather talk about golf, since this where I have spent most of my time, but I do receive a rather healthy income giving speeches and I am rather good at them, frankly I really enjoy the applause so please don’t let me down.

When I ran for office in 2008, I promised change, and I’m here to day to proclaim that America has changed.   Thanks to my policies on income distribution the nation is split right down the middle.  Seems as if there are many that still believe in hard work, and that they are better off by having a job, and if that is what you believe your out of luck because there is not many jobs.  Frankly I believe the government is able to keep food on the table, and shoes on the feet, really, I believe in big government, actually I believe in (Big Brother) this is the wave of the future.

Now I would like to set the record strait on bengazi, I have received a lot of flax about the handling of it.   Many ask where I was when four Americans were murdered in benzazi, I’ll be honest, I don’t remember.  Also many are asking why the cover-up, well now that wasn’t my fault, my Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and her staff started all these lies and cover-ups about some anti-Muslim video, I had nothing to do with lying, I would never do that.  I would have told the truth but that just might have cost me the 2012 election, just when the world needed me the most.

I have also received a lot of flax over the Affordable health care Act.  Everyone believes I told them that they could keep their insurance and that they could keep their doctor, and if that is what I said, gosh I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to miss-lead anyone, I just want to do the right thing.  But if I remember correctly that is what someone told me, it’s getting where you can’t trust anyone.  I promise to get to the bottom of all these lies, and heads will role.  Starting right now I’m instructing my Attorney General ,Eric Holder to look into all these lies, and I expect him to clean up my administration.

Your probably thinking that this is about the shortest state of the union speech you ever had to set through, but in all honesty, I haven’t accomplished much, and the state of the union is in disarray but I would like to say a few things about my foreign policy.

Many think that I have no foreign policy, but they are incorrect, ever since I set foot in America I believed that America shouldn’t be a world power, and in the event of any foreign disruptions the United Nations should be in charge, and not to many people have any trust in the lifting of some of the sanctions against Iran, but I believe we should be nice to them, and trust them to do the right thing, and what if they do get the big bomb, surly they want use it against Israel, Iran is a god fearing people, they just want to live and let live.

Again I just want to be honest, a lot of people are still wondering about my citizenship, and frankly I’m not so sure myself, but I’m here, and I was elected President, so I must be, and my subject are just going to have to accept it.

I’m going to have to cut this speech short because I need to call about Air force One to make sure it is warmed up and ready to go, my wife an I are going on a long trip thanks to the good tax paying citizens of America.

Good night everyone, and remember, be honest and tell the truth even when it hurts.

Oh, by the way, I wish to set the record strait concerning  the Internal revenue, IRs, I did advise them to come down hard on those that were trying to derail my run for President, they were playing dirty politics, and that is something I detest.

Also I did order the National security agency, NSA, to gather as many private emails, phone calls etc. as possible, I felt that I needed to understand the secrets of my subjects, some of them are out to get me, I can feel it.

I’m sure that you have a lot of more questions, but they will have to wait, my ride is waiting.

Later alligator,

 

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