….called them Bonzoites, because he is now known as The First Comrade, and his administration is now known as the National Salvation Front, although some of us have other terms for it.
But we know him as Bonzo Haj Omar. He promised ‘New Ideas’ and he implemented them, and he and his entourage have never left the District of Criminals. They just won’t go. They have jailed the oppositionists and taken over the media.
Ah, but the memories are priceless.
I remember the party at the Embassy of Raratonga in 2011. First Comrade and his wife Marissa came to the event. The Chief of Protocol from the State Department was there, speaking to the First Secretary of the Ukrainian Embassy. She had asked ‘How do You Address the President of America?’
Jamie, my friend, piped in, ‘You call him’ Boy. ‘
Nobody seemed to have thought it funny at first. The icy stares evaporated when all of the D.C. bigwigs left the room and everybody else broke up into hysterics.
First Mama Marissa suggested a 'First Comrade Appreciation Day.’ When the children of the Al Sharpton Junior High School suggested we weigh the First Comrade on his birthday and give him his weight in watermelon, the Washington Post ran with the story. The following year he got his weight in Kentucky Fried Chicken.
That nobody really knew his birthday was, of course, a matter we don’t raise for fear of being put on the 'no-fly' list, or worse.
In any event the food was always shared with White House staffers, each according to their need.
Stopping the sickle cell anemia epidemic of 2012 was a Bonzoite success. As soon as they traced the disease to licking food stamps, it was decided to substitute the back of the stamps with crack cocaine.
This idea, proposed by Surgeon General Sister Soul-EL, was especially popular in major urban areas and was a great boon to the hobby of stamp collecting. Soon the Post Office adopted the idea for many philatelic issues, but unfortunately a robbery at the Bureau of Printing and Graving resulted in a large number of ‘black market stamp collectors' who did their business on the street corners of certain neighborhoods in large cities.
The National Observer sadly made news in 2012 also. You see, Congress passed a law that all journalists and newspapers had to be licensed. This was the prelude to the suspension of the Bill of Rights the Bonzoites pushed through a sympathetic Congress.
The National Observer hired this eager beaver kind of reporter out of journalism school. She decided to do Bonzo’s family tree, and to do other investigative reporting.
After using her persuasive abilities to get a job in the White House, she cornered First Comrade in the Oval Office and made him forget he was a married man.
She secured some of First Comrade’s DNA and brought it to the
The laboratory reported that Bonzo was partly descended from the Mesai tribe of
Kenya, part descended from the Scottish Highlands, and part Orangutan. The Observer ran with the story.
She then discovered the frozen body parts in the refrigerator.
It was then she decided to write her story and the paper published it. The headline read:
'What’s in the First Comrade’s Refrigerator'? Presidential cannibalism was not a shocker. Many had suspected it when White House staffers entered the building and were never heard from again.
Of course, the primate roots of First Comrade were also prominently featured in the story.
The Chief of Staff, ballet dancer Romeo Shocket, was furious. He put on his pumps and marched over to the
Center and had the license of the Observer suspended. The paper’s assets were confiscated by the Justice Department. The Editor was brought to the White House for dinner and never heard from again.
But foreign relations were great.
Our embassy in the
Congo received 1,250,213 applications for tourist visas in 2012 and all were accepted. In Fact, many of the Congolese tourists so loved
America that they all decided to move into
New York, which was so easily done under a federal program that subsidized new immigrants.
In 2013, the Reparations March came. Sheikh Fawizi Kamal Suleiman came to
Washington with 500,000 African Americans and 1,250,213 Congolese immigrants and demanded reparations. Why the Congolese were entitled to reparations when they just got here was puzzling but no paper asked the question for fear of being de-licensed and digested.
Anyway, as a partial gesture, Congress renamed the country The Republic of New Afrika and instituted a Zap the Honky Holiday. On this day the Reparations tax was collected. Each white person had to pay 3 % of his net worth to the Reparations Bureau. White women generally preferred to stay in doors on that day.
Next week… The cotton plantation at
Camp David and who’s picking what?