A SHOT IN THE DARK-Y : A Parody – Part 2

(RECAP SUMMARY…Our anonymous comrade speculates about a future America led by a madcap African nationalist. She writes from imaginary foreign exile about the exploits of First Comrade, Bonzo Haj Omar, her former employer.)

First Comrade never goes anywhere without his ‘Lucky Rabbit’s Foot’. At the dedication of the spectacular new Idi Amin African Dance Center, (located next to the Robert Mugabe Music Pavilion) a dissident extremist who advocated the legalized right for humans to marry trees and plants, threw a pie at First Comrade

First Comrade, lucky for the dissident, was in a jovial mood. He ducked and smiled.’ You need better aim, Comrade. Tell us, what is bothering you?’ Bonzo’s engaging smile charmed us all. ‘By the way, I suggest to all my fellow and sister citizens that they purchase a Lucky rabbit’s Foot, like mine, so they can duck pies also!’

Now the dissident, a striking red-haired woman named Darcy, spoke up.

‘I want to marry my friend, Isis, a Sequoia tree in the Redwood Forest but the Park ranger and the Shasta City Clerk will not let me. I have written to you First Comrade, several times, but you don’t answer me, sir.’

‘Sometimes letters fall through the cracks. I’ll tell you what I am going to do. I want all my constituents to be happy. We will hold a wedding at the Park, and I will perform it myself with Rev. Smith. You will be the first citizen of the Republic of New Afrika (formerly the USA) to marry a tree.’

‘Oh, thank you, kind sir ‘

‘Don’t mention it.’

The wedding was a media frenzy. Darcy and Isis were united in holy matrimony, woman and tree, for life. It was a gay wedding also. It was presumed, for reasons nobody could fathom except in the warped imagination of Darcy, that the tree was female.

Nobody speculated where the couple would spend the wedding night, where they would live, or who would do the household chores. I was wondering who would change the kids’ diapers.

It didn’t matter. At sunset, Darcy dropped her sleeping bag to the ground and fell asleep in front of Isis.

There she lived for the rest of her life, which was apparently quite brief.

A few days later, First Comrade ordered the Secret Service to apply a chain saw to Isis and to build him a rocking chair from the wood. Darcy was brought to the White House for a dinner party and never heard from again, and the press was silent, if they even knew.

Sensitivity Training was very important to First Comrade. He decided that racial understanding was lacking in white suburban schools.

His idea was to build a huge cotton plantation at Camp David, run by black prison inmates on furlough as overseers in some schools. White children could not graduate high school unless they spent a summer on the plantation, or one of the several sister plantations located throughout the south, picking cotton, being whipped, working as servants, suffering sexual abuse, being beaten and degraded. This was so they could understand what the ancestors of black people experienced hundreds of years ago.

Many were placed in chains, locked in dungeons and left for days. At least two died, but the press did not cover the story.

Despite the abuse, the strongest advocates of the program were white liberal school administrators and mainstream white clergy who loved the idea. Whether they realized the excesses that were happening is unclear.

At the International Economic Development Summit, foreign dignitaries from Africa, Asia and Latin

America were given tours of the plantation at Camp David by First Comrade.

At this time, an entire high school work detail from Long Beach, California was secretly sold by Bonzo to a wealthy South Korean industrialist and relocated to Korea. The parents were never informed. Naturally, the media never did anything about it.

Meanwhile, Romeo Shocket, the White House Chief of Staff and Ballet Dancer, decided that the religious influence was too strong. Shocket was keen to attack problems from all angles, but especially from the rear. He had a brainstorm. The tax exempt status of all religious organizations was revoked.

All public buildings, homes, stores, shops, churches, schools or whatever had to have an official picture of First Comrade prominently displayed. Failure to do so could be a very serious problem.

The new official book, Sayings of First Comrade, was translated into 47 languages, from the original Ebonics. Sales were brisk, all hotels, schools, homes and places of worship were obligated to have a copy.

Some priceless gems:

‘We be the vanguard of da Revolution. The Revolutionary Vanguard. We be righteous.’

‘Aks not what your country be doin’ fo you, but what you be doin’ fo your country.’

‘Be pop Pe Bop Be bop.’ No one could explain what First Comrade meant by that, but nobody said anything less they find themselves as frozen body parts in the refrigerator.

Of course, since the fifth term of First Comrade, road traffic and travel were way down, Automobile production and distribution of auto parts and petroleum simply did not happen much, and most cars were immobile. The nation had begun to de-industrialize.

Finally, a resistance movement began, beginning in Long Beach but spreading to all 50 states and the District of Columbia.

Concerned citizens began a movement to sabotage what was obviously a criminal regime.

Fires broke out everywhere, in government offices, newspaper editorial rooms, corporate offices, and eventually the White House and Capitol Building.

A secret network of white police officers and military personnel dispatched snipers to an event hosted by Bonzo, and eliminated Bonzo’s security detail.

‘Bonzo was placed in a glass cage and placed on trial for cannibalism, selling the children of Long Beach into slavery and various other civil rights violations.

He was sentenced to live out his day as an exhibit in a cage at a Washington DC zoo. He was allowed to keep his lucky rabbit’s foot, which he proudly displays to visitors after snacking on watermelon and KFC at the zoo.

The Constitution was restored and the name of the country was changed back to the United States of America. Thousands of members of the criminal regime were arrested, branded and deported, never to be allowed back. Many were jailed.

Sanity was beginning to return to America.

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